"This immortality life covets for more phantasm."
"Everyday we live by memories" -dL
"A dreamer is one who can only
find his way by moonlight, and his punishment
is that he sees the dawn before the rest of the world.- Oscar Wilde
Currently its 4:45 am and im up doing my summer work. But im super distracted from the net!!
I mean i go to yahoo and read my horoscope and spend an hour on it. And then i traveled to youtube and found a really talented asian guy singing Michael Jackson's "The way you make me feel." I mean that was pure talent!
Its a dilatory week, but then again its pretty hectic. I have a lot of writing to do and im falling behind. And then im lost in confusion.
Im coveting for more phantasm and i have desicions to make. I need for judy to come up here to where im at so we'll be able to make the desicion together. She knows what im talking about. RIght now im really calm and desolate. Why am i so lazy, i mean i feel like doing absolutely nothing.
Theres no energy in me. I need a stimulant to get me going. I wanna write. I think im going to go write. I need to write Amorous and Midnight Mourn. If i write i'll probably feel better. Ok i have to write chapter 8 for Amorous and then chapter 3 for Midnight Mourn.
Midnight Mourn is a new joint ff im working on with Judy and its hopefully getting somewhere. Where in the progress of posting it up on soompi, but first we want to make sure we have everything.
Why am i writing my ffs when i need to write my essays??!!! AISH!!! I need to come back to reality!!
But i willlll eventually. I need a congenial place for me to write. well right here where i am at is alright. Im isolated from the creatures around me and im sitting here alone with this laptop and a couch and a cup of orange juice. So get writing daffney.!!
Now im going to write!
- Location:Darkness room
- Music:Landing in london (all i think about is you)- 3 doors down
His tongue slipped out from her lips. She shuts her jaw tight, pushing the adroit tongue outward. She pushes him on the wall then onto the couch. Getting closer, pulling his shirt downward, grasping his waist. Going down to his pelvis, Junsu backs up to the other side of the couch. Trying to stop a rumble, he continues, but she also doesn’t seem to depart from it. Engaging into the act, he sucks on her lips while her, trying to pull it apart, but she seem to have difficulties detaching from him. He leeches onto him. Though as trying her all, she fails the duel. She pushed her body on him, her thighs growing upon him. He then lifted her shirt up touching her back neck, pushing in her face, she departs herself. Letting go as if the ocean has drifted them away. She pushed him off of him, trying to get a hold of herself. Then he held him self against the door way wall.
“Junsu ah?” She walks toward him, climbing among him again. He pushed her off.
“Aniyo, we shouldn’t be doing this. I…. I shouldn’t be doing this. Then she stops. “Yea, your right we should stop.” Her voice trembled.
“Aniyo, I have to go.” He hurried. “Mihanye.”
They gave each other a blank stare, then their looks became addle.
He walked out the door. The rushing waves came pounding in washing the insides of him, drowning him in his own actions, his own thoughts and feelings. Feeling guilty of what he just did, he washed up to shore. He got in his car and drove off. Junsu held his breath in, while driving he ponders about his wretched past.
A man re encounter with the past again. Junsu drove past the city wondering how he was going to cope with his problem. He knew that he wasn’t supposed to be doing this. His view darkened. He slammed the breaks. He cried through the night. He shouted with intensity. He stared out his window at the front door. The tears filled his eyes as if being guilty of a crime. Being possessed into a different person, his body took control of his brain. He parked by the side of his apartment, he lowered his head and vanished in his car. Just as it reached midnight, a crazed man feel asleep. A car rises up in front of Junsu's car. Loud, exhausting groans came from it.
"I...i call showers!", Jaejoong stumbled getting out of the car.
"Go ahead were all going to sleep."
"Whey, you guys need showers."
"No you do, You threw up all over you suit Jaejoong." Yoochun added. "Jae... Jaejoong! Aigoo."
Jaejoong tripped on the stairs.
"Ahh Yoochun why are you shouting?" "Ha, araso you take Jae in then. I’m going to sleep. Changmin looked at Yoochun going inside the apartment. "Yah, yah. Yah. JAEJOONG get up!" He threw Jaejoong over his shoulders, then collapsed on the ground. " Aigoo. Jaejoong?" Jae jerked his head half way around, “what?”
"Hyung, can you bring Jaejoong in. Please, i need to change my clothes?"
Yunho smirked, "araso.”
When going inside the house Yunho notice Junsu's car parked in back of them. He walked backed and peeked in the window. There laid a man distressed in a coma.
Yunho opened the door with a gentle touch, trying not to disturb Junsu. Then he jumped mildly; turned his head slowly, raised up to slightly wipe away his drool. Yunho starred helplessly at him.
“Wow, this guy is dead asleep.” Yunho stood over him carefully placed his hands on the center of the steering wheels, sliding his hands under the side of Junsu’s cheeks and tried fixing his head into a more comfortable position.
Junsu lifed his head instantaneously. His upper head bumped Yunho’s chin.
“Aigoo.” Yunho hissed.
The two confused men looked at each other and exhaled with a relief.
“You almost killed me Yunho.”
“Wah? I didn’t do anything. All I was trying to do was try to put your head into a better position so your neck won’t hurt in the morning.”
“WHAT?! So you were going to leave me out here? How can you be so cruel sunbae.”
Yunho grinned with a dark smile. “No I would never do that.”
“Anyways you did scare the hell out of me though. So why are you home? Its still early. How come you came home so early? He questioned.
The handsome leader then sighed and shook his head. “ Su ah, its 3:43 A.M. right now. Where did you go since you didn’t come to the party with us huh?”
Junsu paid his attention forward at was mute.
“Su ah, did you go see her again? Whey? You know your not supposed to go see her. It’s a bad thing to do.”
The tears from his eyes began to fall slowly, one by one. He turned his head so that Yunho wouldn’t see. He held his head and covered his eyes. With a slow motion the tears descended. He shook his head with agreement.
“ I know, I know. I didn’t want to, but I couldn’t resist.”
“ Is that it? That’s all, because you couldn’t resist it? Junsu tell me the truth why did you even go to her?”
Junsu starred passed Yunho and out the window, way beyond him. He gave a morose look and opened his mouth.
“I made her mad. I don’t really know how to tell you this, but…. I, I mean I didn’t want to go to Hyo Joo’s apartment, but I had to. Its not only way. You know that sunbae.”
Yunho smirked. “Ha. Junsu you cant just go over to her apartment whenever you want her. You cant sleep with her whenever you feel like it or whenever you in love with someone else. If that someone you fallen for isn’t working out you cant go to Hyo Joo for the answers!” Yunho heavily breathed.
“I didn’t sleep with her.” Junsu barks out in almost a whisper. He stood up straight then leaned against the head rest.
“Mihanye.” Junsu angrily kicked the brakes.
“So you admit. You knew that if you went over to her place that this was going to happen? Junsu ah do you like Riin?” He silently waited for an answer.
“Junsu drew his head towards Yunhos face and huskily answered, “yes..”
It was then 4 A.M. The guys stood up late talking about heir lives that had too them so far into success. The only one that was asleep was Junsu.
“So you were talking to Junsu earlier?” Jaejoong asked.
Yunho looked, “yes” then took a sip of his beverage.
Yoochun turned heads. “Was he with her?”
Yunho diligently shook his head with out a care.
“So he has fallen in love with her. Yeah well of course Junsu has feelings for Riin. Surprise there right?” Jaejoong whispered to himself but loud enough to let them hear it.
“What? Haha Riin? No way guys really?” Changmin laughed.
Everyone was quite and shook there heads up and down. Yunho looked at Jaejoong and noticed that Jaejoong seemed to be out of the conversation. He looked choleric, disport, and emotionless.
There was this stimulus in him. This atrocious act of him was caused by that stimulus of him. Every time it provoke he would have an act of invidious behavior. It changes him; Junsu. A whole new persona of him. He is a sensitive guy who has deliberately fallen in love with someone.
Jaejoong, a work of art, detailed in aspects of vignettes. His personality sensitive, aggresive and selfish.
I turned my head right and then left and then right again. The pupil from my eyes weakened as my grip slipped. The sound in my eardrums grew louder and louder, as i try to pull myself together trying to just stand up straight. While the rain poured harder, it collided with my tears and made massive disasters. It toured up the world right in front of my eyes.
A groan from my lips, "no one will know, no one will notice."
Did i killed that spark that started my evolution of us? Aniyeo.
I am selfish, im aggresive, and im sensitive... But only she understood me. sometimes she didnt though. It was that slightess of noise, of thunder that serperated our choice of words, our choice of action. She chose to listen i chose to wonder. But i thought that wisdom begins in wonder. All i wanted was wisdom, so i wonder. I wondered and wondered. Searching for wisdom was what destroyed me.
In the darkest nights of days, A young man sat helplessly onto an abandoned bench deep inside the rotten heart of seoul, where no souls walk nor technology in site; He laid down an item onto the bench as if fragile and brought his trembling hands up to his chest and gazed at it, in deep thoughts, while tears continuously rolls down. He questions himself if what he did was right.
"Did I do the right thing?" He asked himself profusely. "Would she have wanted this?"
While in deeps thoughts of the past, Jaejoong then stood up and wiped the cold, dried blood he commited onto his pants and picked up the item on the bench and walked a few miles until he sees a lake. He didnt stop there; he walked in, deeper and deeper where the bottom of the lake couldnt be reached anymore, where it has dissapeared. Jae caresslessly sunk lower and lower then away the items drifted. They departed from his trechorous hands.
A piece by daffneylee and judyvang.
You dont even know how happy i am right now!
I was quite satisfide with todays result of an ending day. Today was my last of school and im super happy. The last day of school was sad and happy. I kissed everyone goodbye and said hello to summer!
Though im going to heavily miss my Foreign Class. I enjoyed that class dearly! I don't even want to think about next year either.
...And then... summer begins!!!!^^
Ahhh its going to be fun..
reading and writing and being on the computer 24/7. Yep im going to be doing that all summer. I want to get some sleep in my schedule and i really want to write.. i want to keep on continuing Amorous. Im proud that ive gone far with such and abstracted fiction.
Though summer might be a borh, im glad that i can relax and catch up in my reality.
i want it to be slow, warm, with a summer breeze, but i do want it to rain! i like the rain and if it rains i'll be more concentrated on writing.
- Music:naruto sadness and sorrow
In this life time, I found out I'm more into my life??
What that means is I don't like for people to get "personal" with me. I just don't like for people to get into my life persay people i don't like or know. I don't know why, that's just always been the way I am. I know that might be called selfish or so, but it's like i live inside a dome with no boundary limits. But on the other side i do have people who i can get "personal" with. Meaning I let them into my life. Ok so my life right now is really small. It concludes down to my family, my social life, which is my friends and small part of it only.
And the internet. Really! That's all to it. This blog is just about people that i dont want in my life. I dont like talking to people about my life,
or my intrests. And i get really angry when people talk about the stuff in my life and intrests. I dont know why, Yes im selfish like that.
I only like to interact with people who has the same intrests as i do as on the internet; The Netizens.
The only one, people, i like to talk to about this is the people im comfortable with. And trust me its not a whole bunch of people, its small amount of people, 1-5 people.
- Music:C'mon Through- Soulmate
I think that right now is calm, and i feel ok. Im not in this mood where im all sad, or mad. But i think im just doing ok.
I like the weather outside right now. It sets my mood. It is currently raining outside, its dark, gray kind of like the color of Mourning.
This weekened i set out to do what i wanted to do. And i thought that i wouldnt be able to accomplish what i wanted to do this weekened because i thought i was going to be really busy. But turns out that im acutally really free. Im so open today, and im just relaxing.
I havent relaxed in the longest time.
During these past few weeks i have never been so stressed and i mean stressed.
All i've been doing was studying, working, and crying. It was like my daily cycle.
Since its raining, which is my kind of weather, im just relaxing, writing, reading, watching dramas, videos, catching up on some work, and sleeping. Isnt it perfect for a rainy day! I like rainy days. Its part of the deepest, darkest Seoul in me.
Im so mellow right now. It seems like i have no worries in life at all right now.
- Mood:deep and gray
- Music:Painter of the Wind.
In what word can I describe myself right now?
Seriously I’ve cried through out the week….. and it’s a week where I actually have time..... time to think and figure things out.
"The requiem for the darkness decades from within me to kill this vein of mine, for it to break out through my vital wounds. This infecting virus the spreads and spreads and travels in my body. Its trying to get to my soul. It goes in and out of my heart, throbbing to stop the last beat. It’ll eventually end and with that I will eventually end. When I do I can stop feeling this angst pain I had throughout my life that I have hidden so well, so well that I didn’t even know I had it. It can go away, it will go away!"
That of so only being the current mood im in right now only!..
Im usually never like this! i mean NEVER!
As i got out of my house, i looked up upon the stars to see that this night made me realize that i dont feel like myself lately . I think that theres something severely wrong with me. Maybe its critical, maybe its serious, or maybe im just out of place. Well i feel out of place. So i think its the 1st one and 3rd one. Maybe all? Ahh.. What to do? Well i need to go to sleep, but im in Insomnia mode right now. I feel really tired, but i cant go to sleep. I wanna go to sleep, but just cant go into dream mode.
To think about it, i havent had dreams in the longest of times! I dont even remember what my last dream was about.
I never really dream of DBSK which awefully sucks big time! And i really want to dream about them. I want a long big dream about them.
I think i have that feeling right now? You know, the feeling where you just want to get out of this place and go somewhere where you can get away from everyone. Where that place sets your mood? Where you can just look up to the sky full of twinklying stars. Where you can just think about your life for a moment. And i mean really think about it. What you want to do in the future.
And while being in that place i can just stare off into space,
and dream about Yunho Jaejoong Changmin Junsu and Yoochun.
I want to go to a place were i have no worries. No time what so ever. Were the clock isnt ticking on you to hurry up so that you can go back into being sad, depressed and angst.
Well thats just how i feel right now. Im usually just happy when i think about DBSK.
Not the kind of depression where you just want to kill your self, but the kind severe enough to just forget about everyone and everthing in your life. except for the kind of people you want to be in it with you and love.
Thats the kind of place i wish i can just dreamed into right now. Where i can just fade into.
But its quite sad that this is just an illision of my imagination. Though its my imagination taking control over me right now. Its real enough for me to believe that one day i can go to a place like this and just THINK!
Im super tired. My eyes are half opened and i really want to go to sleep. But i never have enough time to go to sleep. Seems like days are getting longer and nights are getting shorter by the second. And i really think it is. I'll try to go to sleep. But i know for sure im going to wake up in the middle of resting these eyes.
Tomorrow will be another day for the rest of this life. But not my life. Just this life for now.
Jaejoong you know exactly how im feeling!
I feel so sorry for myself. I really do. I need a life.
For the past hours i have been listening to Requiem for a dream. I dont know why! But that song just sets my mood for now!
and anyways im bored too!
This saturaday has been calmed, because i have been reading all day non stop, until now because im blogging right now!
I've so far been reading fantastic sorts of fictions.
and i for one want to read more!
But i should really start continuing on my writing--and
writing skills. Yes i way behind. Im actually really busy, but today its so dark and depressing that it makes me not want to do anything at all.
So I'm wasting my time here doing pretty much nothing and listening to non stop music of all sorts.
Though im liking it though.
i dont know what im going to be doing tomorrow!.. im probably going to the funeral yeah.. uhmm how it tears me up.
hum.. im so lost in daydreams..
i need to come back.. i need to come back to find myself again
haha daffney what are you talking about?
- Music:Requiem for a dream
I finally got my Dbsk poster. Im so happy. Whoa the poster are big, and Handsome!
They just make my room even better!
Sorry im so giddy right now! haha!
So everymoring i'll wake up a little better now that i will wake up everymorning to seeing my 5 beautiful loved handsome husbands! hehe..
araso thats all I wanted to blog about!
UE KYANG KYANG!
YEAH!!! Happy birthday Shim Changmin.
happy birthday by dear Changmin. I am very happy for you. Today is the day where my world changed because you were born into it.
i love you so much. I hope you have an amazing birthday today.
Even though yesterday was your birthday in South Korea still today i'll celebrate both of your birthdays.
So celebrate until you get to your happiest. And you know daffneylee will always love you forever no matter
what you do. im always here for you..
i love you
Happy Birthday my dear Yunho!!!
In America today is your birthday but in Korea yesterday was your birthday! Either way i'll still celebrate both days of your birthday!
yes i do celebrate their birthdays even if i dont go all out i sometimes keep it small and simple!
Today is when you came out of the wound and this was the day that the world change. when you were born..
Because you were born into the world that needed you.. and loves you!
im so very happy and excited that your in my world!..
I hope you go out with your love ones and have a lifetime birthday experience! go have fun and get drunk!
HAPPY BIRTDAY YUNHO!
- Mood:loved, loving
OH MY GOODNESS!!!!
I finally did it! i finally made my dbsk shirt and im so proud of myself!!!!!!! its uberly cute and handsome! ahh i love it! i gotta start making more of these! UE KYANG KYANG!!!!
IM GONNA WEAR IT ON FRIDAY FOR MY BEAUTIFUL YUNHO'S BIRTHDAY!
- Mood:excitedly in love with dbsk
- Music: dbsk's bolero
happy birthday jaejoong! ahh saranghaemida!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
i love you sooo much! your 23 hooray!... hopefully your spending your birthday well!
aish! today i was supposed to wear your shirt but i messed up! im so sorry! Also today i wasnt happy because of everything else.. but i loved it because i knew today was your birthday and im willing to be the happiest person [excluding you] for you for your birthday!...
araso! i hope you had a great birthday and made great wishes! SARANGHAEMIDA!
hmm.... i miss my changmin, junsu, jaejoong, yunho, and yoochun! i really do! ... ive been feeling so alone and empty!..
i cant work on my assignments anymore!. and i cant think! PERIOD!
I NEED TO GO TO SEOUL! AND BE WITH THEM!..
I will soon! once i finish with school!
you know i think im in love!
yepp! daffneys definitely in love!!!! Maybe it's just a phase im going through! But i know its not!. hehe! because im in love with Changmin, Junsu, Jaejoong, Yunho, and Yoochun! No one is specific! I fell for all of them! I cant pick one, and i dont think i'll be able to! Its just too hard! Honestly it seems like my life is empty without them and i need them to survive my normal life and nor routine. It sucks going to school everyday having to deal with people i dont want to be around! But school is something that reminds me of DBSK! Because theyre all so smart and in univerities!. and i personally dont like school! I'll only actually want to go to school if its college!. And my future includes dongbangshinki.. Yepp! and im not lying because i think i already know what i wanna do with my life! i want to graduate school and then go to a great college and then move to Seoul, Korea! But first when i turn 18 im going to HB! to see if they are gonna be attending the HB!, and if they do im so going! well of course with JUDY!... and then after that.. get money! then go to visit Seoul, Korea with Judy and i'll see if i like it there and then live there eventually!..
YAYYY!!!! Im so excited for my future!! but honestly i think i'll always have Changmin, Junsu, Jaejoong, Yunho, and Yoochun in my life. Until the day i die, i still wont forget them. NO MATTER WHAT!!!!!!!!! ILL ALWAYS LOVE THEM FO REVER!!!!!!!!!!!!
I LOVE YOU CHANGMIN JUNSU JAEJOONG YUNHO YOOCHUN!!!!-daffneylee
- Mood:Loving CJJYY
- Music:your my song!
FUCK!!!!!!!!! IM SORRY IM GOING TO HAVE TO EXPRESS MY FEELINGS!!!!!!!!!!!
IM SO FRUSTRATED RIGHT NOW! IM NOT EVEN JOKING! I HATE SCHOOL! I HATE MY FAMILY! WELL ESPECIALLY MY SISTER!!!!!!!
AND GOSH! IM SOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO TIRED OF WAKING UP EVERYMORNING WITH SUCH A BORING DAY! TO GO!
I SWEAR THE DAY I GRADUATE IM GONNA MOVE FAR FAR FAR FAR AWAY FROM THIS STUPID TOWN!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
AND TAKE MY FRIEND JUDY WITH ME! HEHE!
AISH! I HAVE SO MUCH WORK TO DO!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! IM SO EXHAUSTED AND BUSY!
FUCKEN SCHOOL! I HATE WAKING UP EARLY IN THE MORNING FOR YOU!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH JUST 3 MORE YEARS!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
DAFFNEY YOU JUST HAVE TO WAIT FOR THAT MUCH LONGER!!!!!!!
AHHHHH BUT I CANT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
ARASO! WHAT THE HELL IS WRONG WITH ME!
IM JUST ANGRY!
SORRY! ARASO I'LL STOP! ANYWAYS! I THINK IM DONE WITH AMOROUS! WELL CHAPTER 3 THAT IS!!!!!!!
AIGOO I STILL HAVE A LONG WAY AHEAD OF ME!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! :'[[
- Music:DEAD END!
idk. posting this because im bored. im really bored right now, so i just decided to post a blog. Anyways im supposed to be writing or at least thinking about my ff. But no ideas what so ever. im so stuck!!!!.. i need help!....
its so boring i cant believe i have nothing to do what so ever right now! whoa!.. well because i dont have my stuff with me. And i need my stuff to be able to do anything.
This town is so dead... i wish i was out there with you DBSK! MY LOVES! AISH! why?????...
why? because i love them.. hehe duh!
i need a life... ..araso!
i want some mango juice. Mango juice reminds me of Jaejoong.! hehe.. because he dranked mango juice!..
Your such a pabo daffney?!
i need updates on them. Lately nothing. And i miss them farely much!!!..!
WAHH!!!! Was that a great sleep. I finally got some rest and i mean great rest. I havent slept like this in years because of my busy life.
*pshh yeah right busy life* hehe.. i came home from school and then i was watching a movie and then i fell asleep while watching it. I slept for 19 hours straight. AND I DIDNT EVEN HESITATE TO GET MY LAZY ASS UP! Ahhh! im so happy i got some sleep.
Now that i got some sleep, thankfully because of busy school, i can think and work on my ff..which is going to be hard because i havent even thought of what im going to write yet.!
Aish!!!!! i still have hw... stupid ass teachers!!!!! and the hw are useless to my life too!
Araso araso i'll get busy with my ff and some other stuff. Hopefully my readers will be statisfide of what i have written...!
Junsu is so HANDSOME!! He also have a slim figure, and likes to be active. Junsu is really tall. I wish i can be married to him. Well acutally i wish i can marry all of DBSK. I love everything about him. haha WAH his voice is incredible.. He's multitalented haha because he sings, dance, plays soccer and piano, and he writes poetry, and plenty more. He's also smart. Junsu is
PERFECTION. I cant explain him in any other way. AISH.!!!!
His looks are to die for and anyone would be happy to be with him. His character is so vibrant he can put a smile on me anytime i look at him. He's definetly number 2 on my list. When his eyes sparkles it triggers something inside of me and snaps out of my life and into this world which no one exist of, only DBSK AND I. When i think of Junsu or DBSK i really dont care about anything else. I would be in my own little world with them and on my own doing my own stuff, conquering my dreams and goals just like him.
Junsu's characteristics and his posture and how he acts with his strong CHARISMA..
thats what makes him my addition.
He has like this cool serious guy side, but has a great sense of humor on the other side. Junsu is very athletic and likes soccer, which is my favorite sport. He has the middle-high vocal part in the group. The group labels him as an innocent and bright boy. On the other hand, he makes a great amount of change on stage and performs with great CHARISMA. Junsu plays the piano well and is very poetic ------and write poems.. I want to learn how to play the piano, but i dont think i can because its hard. I love that he enjoys writing poems because its sweet and
- Mood:loving junsu.
- Music:timeless love.